October 12th, 2018
Feeling that we belong or fit in is crucial part of life as a human being. If you have a desire to please people the chances are you feel compelled to meet everybody else’s needs before your own. During legal proceedings being able to prioritise and focus will be essential to your on-going well-being. Saying yes to everything can cause stress and anxiety that may well outweigh the personal stress or anxiety created by saying no! When we say no we can worry that it will change the way the other person views us or make the other person feel unhappy. The word no can be interpreted as a rejection, but the chances are that the consequences of saying no are worse in our heads than in reality. It is crucial to remember to reject the request (or demand) not the person! Being assertive is a clear way to begin to or to continue a process of self-respect. It is a way of recognising yourself as an individual who has separate but important needs that may be different to the needs allocated to you in a particular role (wife/ son/ employee etc.). Learning what your new role may be when you are divorcing or separating can be extremely challenging so having clear boundaries about when you need to be assertive might be a helpful start.
Create your own checklist for when you might want to say no or be more assertive.
Do not preface the word ‘no’ with a sentence with a ‘but’ in it. For example ‘I am sorry but……’ or ‘I would really like to but, do not profusely apologise or generate multiple explanations. It may be appropriate to thank the person for thinking of you or asking you to do something. It is alright to make good decisions that help you remain focussed and in control of your own life.
Saying no may feel like a hard choice to begin with – keep checking in with yourself to see if you would rather go back to a life/ work environment in which you say yes all the time. The chances are that the answer is no!
Counsellor / Psychotherapist
at Counselling Development
Emma Chamberlain is a respected and highly-qualified Counsellor / Psychotherapist based in Stony Stratford, Milton Keynes. Emma is experienced with successfully working with clients experiencing a wide range of issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, panic attacks, emotional distress, low self-esteem, relationship problems, work-related problems, grief, bereavement and loss, fear, anger, trauma, self-harm, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, bullying, suicidal thoughts and those struggling with life’s transitional times.
Emma has a strong academic background including a BA (Hons) in Psychology and an MSc in Integrative Psychotherapy. Emma worked extensively as a Counsellor for MIND – the UK’s leading mental health charity. Emma is an accredited member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and works to their ethical framework.
Emma works from a humanistic relational perspective following the Clarkson 5 Relationship Model. This offers a flexible relationship based approach to counselling / psychotherapy and can include CBT/ DBT and a range of other approaches. Emma’s current research interests include exploring how counsellors and clients work together when the client has Asperger Syndrome and she is experienced in working with adults on the Autistic Spectrum.
Hawkins Family Law fields 'a very professional team that delivers a high-class service and has strength-in-depth from senior to junior level'. Managing director and team head Jo Hawkins provides 'clear and accurate advice and moral support through often testing times for her clients; she focuses on deriving the best long-term outcome for her client and other parties'. The practice has particular strength financial matters, including divorce and ToLATA proceedings. Other key figures include Loraine Davenport, who has strong collaborative law expertise and handles complex children cases and high-net-worth ancillary relief matters; Annabel Hayward, who focuses on complex financial provision and co-habitation matters; and Stacey St Clair.
For more information please click here.
What the team is known for
Boutique family law firm that punches above its weight in terms of high-value and complex matrimonial finance instructions relating to business assets, pensions and substantial property portfolios, including assisting with the handling of assets abroad. Also represents clients in the negotiation of wealth protection agreements and private law childcare arrangements. Fields a team trained in collaborative law and alternative dispute resolution.
An impressed client says: "The team's personal service and individual care is a great asset,"adding that the lawyers are "always available to assist and understand the occasional need for immediate advice and guidance, providing a very reassuring service."
For more information please click here.